50 ways to doom yourself to life long lonliness

If you want to be hated, ignored, or simply you would like to live a life of solitude, lacking love and sweet harmony. Do these things! Oh the absurdities....

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

3. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others

5. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

6. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

7. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

8. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

9. Sniffle incessantly.

10. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

11. Name your dog "Dog."

12. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

13. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

14. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

15. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

16. Practice making fax and modem noises.

17. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

18. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

19. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

20. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

21. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

22. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

23. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

24. Drum on every available surface.

25. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

26. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

27. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

28. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

29. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

30. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

31. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

32. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

33. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

34. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

35. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

36. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

37. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

38. Ask people what gender they are.

39. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

40. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

41. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

42. Wear a LOT of cologne.

43. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

44. Sing along at the opera.

45. Mow your lawn with scissors.

46. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

47. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

48. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

49. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

50. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.